The Pearl of Identity

Towards a Connecting Memory


“This last Era has been very hard on the physical and emotional bodies. We’ve undertaken learnings of humility and unconditional love, but some memories of pain are still too present (in daily life but also in the Unconscious). The process of understanding the collective learnings of our Souls, beyond the individual processes of the Ego, is a slow one, compared to the quick changes in the quality of the energy of these Times.”

A couple of months ago, at the end of march of this renowned year 2016, I had to travel to Argentina due to the death of my beloved grandmother, Dora.

Some days before traveling, my aunt pointed out that I was going to be in the country for the 40th anniversary of the coup that started the most violent dictatorship and has left a deep mark in our families.
This year was special, 40 years from that point in Time.

40 has a certain something…something settles, something closes a cycle, or opens it? Certainly something becomes more earthly…10 times 4 (or 4 times 10) appears to me as interesting repetition.

What settled and where, I have no idea…The only thing I know is that since Mariel pronounced the word “Anniversary”, I couldn’t stop thinking about a place, a physical place: La Perla (The Pearl).
La Perla, a place located in a beautiful piece of land in the outskirts of Córdoba State, worked as a clandestine detention centre from 1975 till 1979 (4 years, approximately). More than 3000 people were incarcerated during those years. Humans, individuals that experienced different types of tortures, abuses, mistreatments, and who knows what other kind of experiences (may be also very loving experiences)…I can imagine the same, for the people that used to work there and made that place functional, if you know what I mean.

Doubtlessly physical places hold their own Memory.
India made that clear for me: the power of its energetic field is not rooted in the spiritual concept but in the unceasing repetition of certain ceremonial acts performed with the same intention by thousands of people for thousands of years.

The Subtle, which destiny is to be manifest, leaves its inevitable and constant mark in the places, the bodies, the objects, the grounds…and they respond to the Subtle as mirrors, giving back to him his light and his shadow, like shouting: “this is how you look from Earth!” That’s the way we keep writing this story in the spider’s web.

The first time I set foot on La Perla, I felt a sensation that split me in two, or many. When we entered the field, at least seven years ago, I was delighted by the trees and the yellow light of the autumn playing with the leaves. I’ve always admired the countryside and I remember the relief of going out the city and the school.

We walked a path of dirt, I was feeling happy. After a few years of secondary school in Argentina (coming from México) I already felt like home, my schoolmates and teachers were like family to me.

We had been working for a long time in the Memory Group , as we called it. We used to organize educational workshops with young people (peasants, street children, public schools). The goal was to get them to reflect on their own history and identity.

When I saw us walking together, I thought we could be in a Mexican little town in a procession, what we were doing was also a ceremony.
A few moments after that romantic thought, the colour grey of the old military establishment reminded of me the most recent human magic done there, performing brilliantly the conservative forces of the previous Era, so sharp. Institutional.

Without Winter, there’s no Spring.

We used to work a lot with an organization called HIJOS (1). They recently had recovered the physical space of the detention centre where most of their parents had ceased to exist and, probably, where most of them were born. It belonged to the Third Division (or Body, in Spanish) of the Argentinean Army. No doubt, an enormous body with a lot of open wounds.

At first sight, I couldn’t stop imagining the potential classrooms and amphitheatres where our new adventures and experiments would take place. I imagined concerts, workshops, gardens. But once I was inside, my heart suddenly stopped. Someone (was Gustavo, or Emiliano?) was guiding us through the place but I couldn’t pay attention any more. My ordinary senses stopped perceiving rainbows and circular dances…they were expanding in the Time and Space of the place.

There were still some old tools that terrified me, and, along the corridors, lots of people in the Astral Plane, waiting to recover their reflection of light to take it far away from there.

There are certain moments when you reach border lines of sensitivity. Those moments remain recorded in different planes of existence, mostly when we connect with affection our subtle memories to the energetic field of planet Earth.

Our anchor and our compass speak through what attract us to Earth, what attract our senses. Like the Gravity Law.

Eugenio Carutti , a great astrologer, says: (about the Moon and the Emotional Memory): “its specific function is, precisely, to provide the substance capable of retaining the mark, repeating it until a form or a pattern is established. This happens, for example, with the skin, where if exceeded a certain verge of external stimulus, a scar is formed. Or with the oyster, soft and vulnerable, covered by a rocky shell, who, when is wounded automatically secretes its own substance to cover the laceration, giving birth to the pearl” (2)

For the Pearl of Identity to be formed, (our highly valued development of individuality) is required, (or at least, it has been) to feel protected. The need for protection necessarily comes from fear, I need to feel safe when I feel threatened. I need to separate from that which I perceive as dangerous for my survival.

Sometimes I truly need protection for something to be born (as the uterus, as the cocoon).

This last Era has been very hard on the physical and emotional bodies. We’ve undertaken learnings of humility and unconditional love, but some memories of pain are still too present (in daily life but also in the Unconscious). The process of understanding the collective learnings of our Souls, beyond the individual processes of the Ego, is a slow one, compared to the quick changes in the quality of the energy of these Times.

The linear perception of Time, and the feeling that we are “consumed by it” are the perfect excuse to gestate that unique experience. We come to this third dimension to share with others. I’m talking about “that thing” that only you can share and show to others, that thing that only you can channel to this planet.

Militaries, activists, Men, Women, Faggots, Bakers, Artists, Schizophrenics, Businessmen: we think that the key here is to separate, classify, and protect ourselves from others… What a paranoidal perception of Earth!

The matter here, is that for each one of us, the New Information, condensed in an unique present, is not inside our individually and wrapped by a protector plastic, that point, the one inside, is precisely the only one we already know. Why to protect something that you’re not going to share?

Neither I, neither the other are the holders of the New Information, if there’s no connection between us, there’s no movement. The link between us is the one that knits the tissue of Time and Space and just for that instant, The New is allowed to be born, to break the eggshell to the new cycle of Manifestation and Death.

I’ve been trying to finish this article for months and I haven’t been able to conclude it. From when I started writing, many things have passed: a spring equinox ceremony, an Inferno at Miami Airport, days and nights spent in different means of transportation, a mass manifestation, lovers, divas, a summer solstice, and many, many details. I could never stop thinking about it, but I wasn’t able to put an end to it. This tendency of needing to close, conclude and preserve something, revealed to me the perennial conclusion that I wanted to reach, and, to my surprise it was a question, not an answer:
Which is the identity’s need for retaining/holding some specific memories and Why to choose some of them as pillars in the construction of a personal biography?

If our memories are not currently existing, and, besides, they take us to calcified circuits of thought, and very well known patterns of behaviour…Why putting attention to Memory connected me so closely to something so full of love, so spiritual, so ever-present…so New ?
In my procession to La Perla (in Córdoba state) I passed by to pay my respects to my grandmother’s town, Concordia (in Latin: Union with Heart). My godmother was waiting for me there. We went to the Uruguay River shore and sat there to contemplate the neighbor country and drink mate (a traditional kind of tea). I told her I was writing about “La Perla”, and to my surprise, she answered back: “Eduardo was there in the dictatorship”. I was amazed. Eduardo was the father of her child, Sofia, a good friend of mine.

Back at her home, she read me a story written by Eduardo when he was captive in La Perla. The story was named “Lila’s maternity” and narrated the story of a dog that used to visit the prisoners when they were laying down, blindfolded on their straw mattresses. She was a loving company to them, and once, he risked his life to accompany her, in her labor.

From all the memories he could rescue, that was one of the most important ones for Eduardo. The focus wasn’t in one or the other, neither in the pain…the focus was in what connected them, what held them together in the experience: Love.

Eduardo’s heart stopped some years after being liberated from La Perla. He died from a heart attack: his heart took with him electric memories, produced by people that thought themselves different from him, from everything else.

So much hardness, so much development of our brain of survival, so much black and with, doubtlessly have left that mark in all our consciousness, like a river that deeply transforms the earth.
Preserving our Identities is basic is we believe we’re only Identities.

Identities which are born from those patterns, from those scars, separate us, and are a repetition of something that, as society, we’ve experienced too much for too long.

Many times I hear in the Akashic Readings that is harder to integrate a learning process if we keep repeating it. The energetic tissue of Time and Space is a specific coordinate for us to live certain experiences: that’s why we choose certain people, places, ages, which are the river that allows experiences to flow easily.

“2016 is a very important year of purification”, Kaypacha , another great astrologer and being tells us. We’re selecting, more or less consciously, which of these repetitive experiences do we want to keep living and which of them have to go to make some space for new ones to be born.

Collectively we’re living a structural crisis of beliefs, governments, big movements of population…Faith. What do we want for the present moment? From all this repetition: Which is our sacred selection ?

Suddenly, it seems that the past Era worsens and sticks with its claws and fangs to the present situation. I feel Pisces is trying to clearly say goodbye (as clear as Pisces can be)…to give us, collectively (as Aquarius requires) the Time to honor it and place it in our memory…a Memory that seeks the connectivity and not the repetition.
That feeling, fills me with Hope.

Tamara Ciriza

(1) An organization of Sons and Daughters of missing or assassinated people during the last dictatorship in Argentina that are dedicated to promote the importante of Memory, Justice and Human Rights.
(2) Carutti, Eugenio. Las lunas: el refugio de la memoria. 1a ed. 9a reimp. Ciudad A. de BSAS: Kier, 2015.
Foto: La Voz del Interior
Ex Centro Clandestino de Detención, hoy Espacio de Memoria.
Graphic Art: Elizabeth Miranda